Life Goes On

Life goes on until it goes on without you

I Shaved

I got my cancer diagnosis in October 2015.  While getting ready for December surgery I started growing a beard.  I figured I would shave it off when I was declared cancer-free, and I thought that would take about six months.  I've been getting my numbers checked every three months for five years now.  With a string of zeroes, and the zero that I got this week, we're switching to testing every four months.  Baby steps, but things are looking good.

Yesterday, I shaved the beard.

RIP Eddie Van Halen

I can't believe I'm having to write this, but my father, Edward Lodewijk Van Halen, has lost his long and arduous battle with cancer this morning.

He was the best father I could ever ask for.  Every moment I've shared with him on and off stage was a gift.

My heart is broken and I don't think I'll ever fully recover from this loss.

I love you so much, Pop.

-- Wolf Van Halen, posting on Twitter as @WolfVanHalen, announcing the death of his father, Guitar God Eddie Van Halen (26 January 1955 - 6 October 2020).  I'm so glad to have seen Eddie in concert, and I still remember listening for the first time to the first song ("Runnin' with the Devil") of the first side of the debut Van Halen album.  Love at first listen (h/t Steve Gray for playing that album that day).

[I am not enjoying posting so many trvth obituaries.]

When Health Is Absent

When health is absent wisdom cannot reveal itself, art cannot manifest, strength cannot fight, wealth becomes useless, and intelligence cannot be applied.

-- Herophilus, medical practitioner in Alexandria, 3rd Century BCE

RIP Neil Peart

It is with broken hearts and the deepest sadness that we must share the terrible news that on Tuesday our friend, soul brother and band mate of over 45 years, Neil, has lost his incredibly brave three and a half year battle with brain cancer (Glioblastoma).  We ask that friends, fans, and media alike understandably respect the family's need for privacy and peace at this extremely painful and difficult time.  Those wishing to express their condolences can choose a cancer research group or charity of their cohice and make a donation in Neil's name.

Rest in peace brother.

-- Official statement on the website of the band Rush announcing the death of drummer and lyricist Neil Peart, via Twitter, 10 January 2020


As a young drummer and fan of Rush, Neil Peart was one of my lifelong idols of rock drumming.  His fantastical and philosophical lyrics really touched me.

Lust

Lust brings with it a feeling of moral compromise.

RIP John McCain

On the banks of the Ho Truc Bach Lake in downtown Hanoi.  Monument A stone sculpture of a person with arms raised and head lowered.  To the right of the person is USA and a star.  To the left of the person is the text in Vietnamese.

Approximate translation: "On 26 October 1967 near Truc Bach Lake in the capital, Hanoi, the citizens and military caught Pilot John Sidney McCain.  The US Navy Air Force Aviator was flying aircraft A4, which crashed near Yen Phu power station.  This was one of ten aircraft shot down that same day."

-- Description of the Vietnamese memorial to Senator John Sidney McCain III (29 August 1936 - 25 August 2018) at his Vietnam War crash site, courtesy of uswarmemorials.org

This Shit Is Expensive

My health is good.  And I've just reached a milestone or two. 

As many of you know, in late 2015 I was diagnosed with prostate cancer, and since I drew the short straw, I received multiple modalities of treatment.  First there was surgery, then radiation, and finally hormone therapy, which is slated to end after 6 more months.  The first milestone is 2 years of zeroes on tests where I hope to score zero (knock wood).

But this isn't really a post about my health, it's more about the cost of treatment.  I maintain a spreadsheet breaking down the costs for my treatment as submitted to insurance (not necessarily as paid).  This shit is expensive.  Here are some totals, by category:

Diagnosis   :  $16,000
Surgery     :  $79,000
Radiation   : $236,000
Hormone Tx  : $174,000

The final category, hormone treatment, will continue to accrue at ~$5500 per month for another 6 months.  With my most recent treatment, I hit my second milestone, the half million dollar mark.

Grand Total : $504,930.64

The Life That I Intended

I believe that the pursuit of truth and right ideas through honest debate and rigorous argument is a noble undertaking.  I am grateful to have played a small role in the conversations that have helped guide this extraordinary nation's destiny.  I leave this life with no regrets.  It was a wonderful life -- full and complete with the great loves and great endeavors that make it worth living.  I am sad to leave, but I leave with the knowledge that I lived the life that I intended.

-- Charles Krauthammer (13 March 1950 - 21 June 2018), American Pulitzer Prize-winning writer and political commentator, in his last column, announcing that he was dying of cancer, "A note to readers" in The Washington Post (8 June 2018)

Epidiolex

This is an important medical advance.  Because of the adequate and well-controlled clinical studies that supported this approval, prescribers can have confidence in the drug's uniform strength and consistent delivery.

-- FDA Commissioner Dr. Scott Gottlieb in a statement accompanying FDA approval of Epidiolex, a treatment for some forms of epilepsy, and the first FDA approved treatment derived from marijuana, CNN, 25 June 2018

All The Nice Things

I have every intention of returning here and giving many of you cause to regret all the nice things you said about me.

-- Senator John McCain (R-AZ) joking on his return to the Senate floor after being diagnosed with brain cancer, 25 July 2017

Pain Nourishes Courage

Pain nourishes courage.  You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you.

-- Mary Tyler Moore (29 December 1936 - 25 January 2017), American actress and comedian, as quoted in The Reader's Digest, Vol. 128 (1986), p. 137

Life Doesn't Suck

Very occasionally, if you really pay attention, life doesn't suck.

-- Joseph "Joss" Hill Whedon (23 June 1964 -), American screenwriter, film and television director and producer, Liner notes to the cast album Once More, with Feeling (2002)

More Yesterdays

Those of us who have more yesterdays than tomorrows tend to care more about our children and grandchildren.

-- Former President Bill Clinton in a speech at the Democratic National Convention, 27 July 2016, echoing a phrase he used on his 50th birthday, 19 August 1996

Double Dipping

Tomorrow is a double big day for me.  At 9:00 AM I get my 37th and final radiation treatment.  W00t!

And at 11:00 AM I get on the bus for 12 days in Europe.  My "trvth" notes will therefore take a 2-week hiatus.  See you on the funway!

The Last Thing

The last thing a parent teaches a child is how to die.

-- John DeVore, The Moth podcast, May 2016

Angst And Hormones

I can be a bit grumpy.  I'm full of angst, and hormones.

-- Nicholas Hoult (1989-), English actor, interview in The Mirror, 2 February 2012

Grab You By The Tail

To fear is one thing.  To let fear grab you by the tail and swing you around is another.

-- Katherine Paterson (1932-), American author of children's novels, Jacob Have I Loved (1980)